Wednesday, June 13, 2007 ; 8:11 AM {♥}
Lately, I've been thinking alot about band. I mean, really alot. It's been a very heavy stone set down in my heart, like a stubborn weed it stays there, not willing to budge. I am left to feel it's pressure against my fragile heart and I think that's what they call sadness. Sorry for getting a little too poetic here, but all I wanted to express was that it is a really depressing thing that I can't bear to watch my seniors leave. I was experiencing such emotions too, at the concert hall, as we were cheering our hooray. I just suddenly found that I couldn't cheer no more and I felt like laughing at myself. Since when did I become so attached to my seniors? I've always grumbled about them but then again, I now remember, it was always for laugh. It wasn't ro offend them and sometimes I don't really mean it.
I guess this sadness is here because the whole depressing issue is that they're leaving now, right at this moment in which I finally feel closer to them, closer to the trombones family. Back then, I always felt left out. No matter was it being ordered to practice alone in that lonely corner, or was it being forgotten during the important Singapore Youth Festival. I always felt that I didn't belong there. I was only close to Rumeng, and not the others. I could only watch them joke around with her and hear her telling me about all the things they did and told her while in my heart I was always wishing, wish they could say that to me or wish they could do that with me. I was always wishing so. And then during SYF, Rumeng started to get even closer while I got evermore left behind. And I realised, I really had to try to be more of myself and not that quiet, shy girl who's afraid that she'd say anything wrong in front of her seniors. So I tried, and now at least I could crack jokes with them and I got quite close to Nicholas and Si Hui. Well, maybe Nicholas didn't feel so but at least... ya know... he speaks to me more. I have to admit, I'm quite happy to this fact.
So now they're leaving, Nicholas is probably never coming back. I just can't imagine another sectional practice without him cracking his stupid jokes and making his lame comments. And I can't imagine it without Javier and his arguments. It was really fun when both of them were there, really. I really wish with all my heart that they can come back, to watch over all of us, and continue to be the best seniors ever.
Really, these are not a pack of lies so believe me already (:
Labels: sentimentals
Yours sincerely, MS. JINGS {♥}
