Tuesday, November 04, 2008 ; 10:08 PM {♥}
One Litre of Tears has inspired me.
I won't say how much because I haave yet to feel the extent of its inspiration but at least it got me thinking.
Not about angsty things like death.
And it's no longer about the future that I had claimed to be oh-so-bleak.
It made me think about...
The present and what I should do about it.
I want to have a fufilling life. And I sort of envied Aya-chan in this sense. Her life though short, was fufilling and impactful. My life is just one heck of lazyness. I obviously want to find my goal in life but before I do, I want to do something about this one heck of lazyness. Because I realised that if I don't change now, by the time I found my goal in life, I might not be able to strive towards it anymore.
I feel that lazyness will take hold of me. Slowly, but surely, it will make me lose my will, like it already had.
I want to learn to work hard. I want to learn to be responsible. I want to learn to persevere. I want to learn to be serious.
But sometimes, I find myself, making all these resolutions to be better but in the end forgetting all of them as if they were just a dream.
I hate saying "It's okay to do badly this year because it's not so important yet. I will do better next year because next year, it's important" to myself. They are just excuses. Empty words with no truth within.
I realised that I might not be able to work hard and strive for next year as much as I'd wish to. Lazyness is taking over me like a drug addiction. And it's hard quitting slacking like it's hard quitting smoking. The toxic is spreading over me, I can feel it.
And I want to change. I want to stop the addiction. I want to become the better person that I always dreamed of.
I know the road ahead is full of thorns and rocks that will slow me down and trip me. And I know that this might just be another resolution to forget later. But I've made it a point to try my best to endure and to remember whenever I can. "1リットルの涙" will remind me of my pormise to myself.
I promised myself, that I will try my best to work hard.
And I don't want to betray even myself by breaking that promise. At least, I want to stay true to myself. I want to show the world that even I, can keep a promise to myself.
がんばっていきまっしょい, Jayちゃん!
Labels: diary, sentimentals
Yours sincerely, MS. JINGS {♥}
