Saturday, February 21, 2009 ; 9:27 PM {♥}
I suddenly remembered about a short story I thought about a long time ago. So I've decided to pen it down lest I forget it forever.
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"Go and take your bath now! And stop sitting in front of the computer for the whole day! It spoils your eyesight! Do you want to become like me in the future and can't see anything?!"
I could still remember my grandmother 's nagging from yesterday. But today, I'm standing here, twenty-four hours later, staring into a dark wooden coffin.
Her ancient face seemed to stare back at me even though her eyes were closed. Even with the excessive make-up, I could still notice the paleness and stiffness of her skin. My grandmother... in a coffin?!
I looked around, frantically, hoping to find someone who could explain the situation but then I saw my father sitting in a corner, his face ashen white. My father is a tough man, a masochist. But this time there were tears rolling down his face unstopped. He used to say "real men don't shed tears easily"... what happened to that?
My aunt was kneeling down beside father, howling in distress.
"Mother! Mother! How could you leave us so suddenly!" She weeped piteously, with every sob pulling at my heart.
Grandmother... is dead?
I finally understood. Grandmother is gone forever. Somehow, I felt sad. Why is that? I thought I hated my grandmother. I thought I wished she was gone. And now that she is gone, why am I feeling sad?
A blackout... and suddenly, I'm blinded by a flash of white light. I saw myself sitting in front of the computer as usual, listening to music casually. Is this a memory? I continued to watch this scene in silence.
My grandmother hobbled into the room slowly and sighed as she saw me.
"Dinner is ready! Go bathe and eat now!" She nagged irritably, shaking her head. I saw myself roll my eyes and ignore her. My grandmother stood there staring at me for a long time, before walking away with a sigh. I followed her, leaving "myself" behind. Grandmother entered the kitchen and scooped out a portion of the night's dinner. She kept the food in the thermo box an walked away again.
No wonder I always had warm dinners regardless of how late I ate.
Another flash of light. I'm now in the shopping mall near my house. The crowds hustled and bustled around as usual. I saw my grandmother in the midst of the people. She wore a worried look as she squinted around anxiously.
"Meimei!" She grabbed a stranger girl's arm with relief. The girl slapped her hand in disgust and snorted: "You're mistaken, let go!". She hurried away before my grandmother could say sorry. Once again, my grandmother squinted around anxiously. She was looking for me? I saw 'myself' pushing past the crowd now, making 'my' way to her.
"Ah ma! Where have you been?! Follow us closely!" 'I' said irritably as 'I' came up to her.
"Meimei! Sorry..." I felt a pang of regret as grandmother bit her lip and apologised. Only until now, did I see the tears welling up behind her glazed eyes as she held onto my hand. She swallowed hard, pushing the tears back in.
What have I done?
Now we were in the car. I could see my grandmother sitting at one and of the car and beside her, at the other end, was 'me'. My grandmother took a glance towards me and placed her hand on the seat just as 'I' did. Slowly, she inched her hand towards mine. 'I' was looking out of the window, ignoring her. She reached out to hold my hand, but hesitated and pulled back. I could see the sorrow in her eyes now. The sorrow of not being able to get close to her grandaughter.
How could I not have noticed?
It was night now. I'm at home. I could see myself lying in bed. Grandmother suddenly walks out of her room. I followed her to the ancestral table where the buddha statue stood. Violent coughing could be heard from my room. Isn't this the time when I got really sick? Grandmother looked towards my room with a worried face. She kneeled down in front of the buddha and prayed faithfully.
"Please let my grandaughter be well and I shall give up a few years of my life." She plead with tears in her eyes and kowtowed, and kowtowed, and kowtowed... until there was a slight bruise on her forehead. Then she silently stood up and returned into her room.
Another flash of white light. I'm back at the funeral hall.
A cold wind brushed past me and my face felt wet. I stooped over the coffin to have a last look, tears falling against onto the dark wood. My grandmother... is probably in heaven now. I prayed fervently for her and kneeled down. My tears turning to violent sobs now.
I'm sorry, Ah Ma, I'm sorry. I now know that I love you so much.
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(end of story)
dedicated to my grandmother because I'll never have the courage to tell her that I love her and that I know all that she's done for me.
Labels: sentimentals, short stories
Yours sincerely, MS. JINGS {♥}
