Saturday, February 21, 2009 ; 9:27 PM {♥}
I suddenly remembered about a short story I thought about a long time ago. So I've decided to pen it down lest I forget it forever.
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"Go and take your bath now! And stop sitting in front of the computer for the whole day! It spoils your eyesight! Do you want to become like me in the future and can't see anything?!"
I could still remember my grandmother 's nagging from yesterday. But today, I'm standing here, twenty-four hours later, staring into a dark wooden coffin.
Her ancient face seemed to stare back at me even though her eyes were closed. Even with the excessive make-up, I could still notice the paleness and stiffness of her skin. My grandmother... in a coffin?!
I looked around, frantically, hoping to find someone who could explain the situation but then I saw my father sitting in a corner, his face ashen white. My father is a tough man, a masochist. But this time there were tears rolling down his face unstopped. He used to say "real men don't shed tears easily"... what happened to that?
My aunt was kneeling down beside father, howling in distress.
"Mother! Mother! How could you leave us so suddenly!" She weeped piteously, with every sob pulling at my heart.
Grandmother... is dead?
I finally understood. Grandmother is gone forever. Somehow, I felt sad. Why is that? I thought I hated my grandmother. I thought I wished she was gone. And now that she is gone, why am I feeling sad?
A blackout... and suddenly, I'm blinded by a flash of white light. I saw myself sitting in front of the computer as usual, listening to music casually. Is this a memory? I continued to watch this scene in silence.
My grandmother hobbled into the room slowly and sighed as she saw me.
"Dinner is ready! Go bathe and eat now!" She nagged irritably, shaking her head. I saw myself roll my eyes and ignore her. My grandmother stood there staring at me for a long time, before walking away with a sigh. I followed her, leaving "myself" behind. Grandmother entered the kitchen and scooped out a portion of the night's dinner. She kept the food in the thermo box an walked away again.
No wonder I always had warm dinners regardless of how late I ate.
Another flash of light. I'm now in the shopping mall near my house. The crowds hustled and bustled around as usual. I saw my grandmother in the midst of the people. She wore a worried look as she squinted around anxiously.
"Meimei!" She grabbed a stranger girl's arm with relief. The girl slapped her hand in disgust and snorted: "You're mistaken, let go!". She hurried away before my grandmother could say sorry. Once again, my grandmother squinted around anxiously. She was looking for me? I saw 'myself' pushing past the crowd now, making 'my' way to her.
"Ah ma! Where have you been?! Follow us closely!" 'I' said irritably as 'I' came up to her.
"Meimei! Sorry..." I felt a pang of regret as grandmother bit her lip and apologised. Only until now, did I see the tears welling up behind her glazed eyes as she held onto my hand. She swallowed hard, pushing the tears back in.
What have I done?
Now we were in the car. I could see my grandmother sitting at one and of the car and beside her, at the other end, was 'me'. My grandmother took a glance towards me and placed her hand on the seat just as 'I' did. Slowly, she inched her hand towards mine. 'I' was looking out of the window, ignoring her. She reached out to hold my hand, but hesitated and pulled back. I could see the sorrow in her eyes now. The sorrow of not being able to get close to her grandaughter.
How could I not have noticed?
It was night now. I'm at home. I could see myself lying in bed. Grandmother suddenly walks out of her room. I followed her to the ancestral table where the buddha statue stood. Violent coughing could be heard from my room. Isn't this the time when I got really sick? Grandmother looked towards my room with a worried face. She kneeled down in front of the buddha and prayed faithfully.
"Please let my grandaughter be well and I shall give up a few years of my life." She plead with tears in her eyes and kowtowed, and kowtowed, and kowtowed... until there was a slight bruise on her forehead. Then she silently stood up and returned into her room.
Another flash of white light. I'm back at the funeral hall.
A cold wind brushed past me and my face felt wet. I stooped over the coffin to have a last look, tears falling against onto the dark wood. My grandmother... is probably in heaven now. I prayed fervently for her and kneeled down. My tears turning to violent sobs now.
I'm sorry, Ah Ma, I'm sorry. I now know that I love you so much.
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(end of story)
dedicated to my grandmother because I'll never have the courage to tell her that I love her and that I know all that she's done for me.
Labels: sentimentals, short stories
Yours sincerely, MS. JINGS {♥}
Wednesday, October 22, 2008 ; 7:20 PM {♥}
Was tempted to write another story. Maybe this could unveil my part of the story to you.
Falling raindrops never fail to make me think of you.
That day, the teardrops rolling down your cheeks looked exactly like that.
Pitter-patter, down they fall, crashing against my window. And they sounded like your breaking heart.
Down, down and down they fell.
And all that's left is another puddle of bitter memories.
Of the past, all I could see was you and I, together forever.
Every morning, I would jostle through the commuters, weaving patterns in the crowds as I rushed up the escalator. I would be anxious as the MRT door closes, but you would always be there, smiling at me. I smiled fervently back.
Afternoons were filled with gossip over canteen lunch. Such good memories, and I'm not talking about the food. Just me and you, enjoying the afternoon breeze and later complaining about how difficult it is to eat with your hair flying all over the place.
Evenings passed with long walks home after our CCA, hand in hand, fatigue became a forgotten story left for another time to tell. But at that moment, we had but ourselves. And we talked of dreams and how we were to accomplish them together.
Then, it changed. Or rather, the both of us changed. And neither of us willing to admit it.
You were pretty, rich and popular. The girls adored you and the guys loved you.
You were always in the spotlight, standing proud on the stage, knowing you belonged there in front of everybody and amongst their cheers.
I was just plain old Jane who didn't care to change. I kept my hair short to save the trouble and didn't consent to braces even though my teeth looked like they were knocked crooked with a giant steel hammer. The girls found me irritating and the guys make fun of me. I was always backstage, looking at you, even envying you.
The stage curtain, though only so thin and fragile, sepearted me from you and without noticing, both of us grew into our own worlds. I blended into mine and you stood out in yours.
The world is amazing because it always changes. This story of mine is amazing because we kept changing.
I remember at first how we fought against the barrier between us. I tried to blend into your world and you tried to stand out in mine. But alas, things were not meant to be. It was like placing an ugly pebble in the midst of shining pearls and like throwing a ten-carat diamond in with a pile of rubbish. Slowly, the barrier became a wall and the wall became a gap as wide as the universe. Both of us were trying so hard, but we ended up on the edges of this very gap, where one wrong move can cause you to lose footing and fall down, down, and down.
Then you said, you never wanted to change the way you are. You wanted to be you. It may sound wise to say that but underneath all that, I could see no point. To me, that's how the world is. The world doesn't accept individuals. It functions as a society where no man is an island. You can't expect the world or the society to change for you so you can fit in. The only way to survive is to change yourself for the society and the world's acceptance. When you said you never wanted to change, I grieved for your foolishness.
Your act of folly pushed both of us down the edge and into the gap that we have created ourselves. We began to fall. Both of us wondering when we shall see the end of this gigantic hole that has swallowed us and break into pieces from the crash.
I wondered, is it my fault that it has to become this way? Am I the true antagonist of this tragedy? Is it my cruelty that will prevent me from saving the both of us? You pressed me for a response but I refused to utter a word. Anymore said will kill us both in an instant, that I knew.
Oh Sarah, you fool. I loved you so much before, so it hurts so much now, but still I cannot comprehend you. You are such a mysterious animal that functions in such a way that I could never make any meaning out of. When I thought you would be angry in an instant and confront me, you choose to encourage our being together even though we were always trapped in awkward silences.
Cliche or not, I have to say this. Because I love you, I'm letting you go. Should you stay longer by my side, my dislike for you shall escalate ever more and it shall form so sharp a blade that will be then employed to slice your heart until it bleeds to death. And my cruelty will change me until I can only smirk as I see you writhing in agony. Then my consicence will proceed to kill me just like how I killed you.
I loved you and I'm letting go.
PS: Goodbye to you, my trusted friend. From Jane, to Sarah. With a dozen broken hearts that loved before.
Labels: sentimentals, short stories
Yours sincerely, MS. JINGS {♥}
Sunday, June 29, 2008 ; 5:20 PM {♥}
Felt like writing a short story, so here's a random one :D
I always thought you and I were the best of friends. I remember how you used to hold my hand in yours, though my large hands were always a trouble for you because you were so small. “We’re best friends, aren’t we?” You used to tell me, smiling with all certainty. And I remember how I used to nod in agreement and smile back.
I remember the time we spent walking home everyday. With you, it was just so much fun. We would laugh at the latest jokes, share all of our favourite sweets and talk about almost everything. I can never forget your girlish giggles when I told you the silly things my cat did last night and those buttered toffees, caramel candies, watermelon sweet sticks and coloured jellybeans that we would trade each other. How we talked about the world as we sucked on our butterscotch. It didn’t matter if raindrops as big as bullets were raining down on us or if the summer heat simmered us. We didn’t care if we would reach home drenched in either sweat or rain. All it mattered were the joys and laughter of the walks we took home.
I remember how we met ever so clearly, just like it happened yesterday even though it was something from years ago. I remember how we grew close together, how we started sticking together like glue. It was in elementary school. I had been an outcast, despised and disliked because of my size. I was bigger than most of the children, even the boys. They were scared of me. Everyday, they would whisper names behind my back.
“Hey look, it is that giant girl again. Beware of her! I heard she eats naughty children.”
Everyone would gasp as they heard this and give me those dodgy stares again. It was until playtime one day, when I met you. I was alone again, looking for a quiet spot to waste away my playtime as usual. Then from a corner, I saw you. The boys were pushing you into the corner. They like to pick on you because you were always the smallest kid. And then, something struck me. I didn’t know if it was the look of fear in your face or was it the realization that we are two of the same people that made me want to help you, but I decided for once, to step out. We were two people thrown out of acceptance because we had different appearances. With all the courage and strength, I shoved the boys away and growled at them. They were cowards, always afraid of me. In the next instant, they were gone. And it was the start of our friendship.
We were such close friends. Until the day you betrayed me.
I remember, we got into the same high school like we wanted to. Both of us wanted to get into the cheerleading club. But it was kind of impossible for us. The cheerleading club was a club only for the popular girls and I could never do those stunts so gracefully because I was so big and clumsy. But you were different from me. I knew that you could do every stunt almost perfectly because you were so petite and perfect for the role. I knew you had a chance. I encouraged you to audition for it and everyday, I stayed back to watch you practice. Even though I couldn’t join the cheerleading club, I wanted you to fulfil my dream for me. In the end, you got in because of your amazing ability. I was so happy for you I cried. But who knew, that your admission into the club was the start your betrayal. If I had ever known, I would have stopped you from joining the club.
Under the cherry blossom tree that day, you told me you would never forget me and everything I had done for you. But you were wrong.
Slowly, we began to drift apart. Like twigs on a river, we floated apart. Further and further you went away from me. At first, you started to go home with your club mates after club activities even though I offered to wait for you. You said you didn’t want to waste my time but that was just an excuse wasn’t it? Then you stopped going home with me completely, and even though we were in the same class, we hardly talked much after you changed seats so you could sit with Ayame who was also in the cheerleading club. Then one day, you came to school with a new look, boasting to the whole class that the cheerleading club gave you a makeover. From simple plain old Rinko, you became the prettiest girl in class and everyone wanted to be your friend. While you flirted with the boys and got all the attention, I was watching from the corner, alone, with no one by my side. I wanted you back.
I asked to talk to you during lunch break one day. You agreed. It was that day when you broke my heart.
“You are wasting my time. I don’t have such an ugly giant girl as my friend! Goodbye, forever, Junko. Forget all the times we’ve spent, I was a fool to have you as a friend.” You sneered at me, didn’t you?
Everyone could sneer at me, make jokes about me, call me stupid ugly names like “Giant Girl” but, I never ever once thought that one day, you might be doing all those things.
After you left, I cried and ran away from school. Though, you probably didn’t notice that I didn’t come back for lessons. You probably didn’t care.
The two weeks after you hurt me seemed so bleak and gloomy to me now. I couldn’t even remember what I was doing. I felt numb yet I was hurting. I was breathing yet I wasn’t alive. It was ironical and yet, there was no remedy for the feeling I felt, the torture I endured. Yet, you probably won’t give a shit about that. After that, I got on. I realised what a waste of time it was thinking about you. I changed. Something about you made me change. I used to think that it doesn’t matter what the world thought of me just as long as you didn’t think the same. Everything used to be about you, but no, not this time. I changed my looks, started paying more attention to appearances, started to talk to people more.
Soon, I was a normal teenager again. Even though I was still big sized, I wasn’t that quiet and useless girl. I made people laugh and they enjoyed my company. I lost weight and I wasn’t fat but just tall now. I wasn’t that much of a “Giant Girl” anymore.
Years went by and I lead my life while you lead yours. Our lives never crossed again. Until now, as I read this letter, I finally understand that everything I thought was right, is wrong.
Dear Junko,
It’s me, Rinko. I didn’t write my name on the envelope because I knew that if I did, you probably wouldn’t open the letter. When you read this letter, it means, I’m probably not here anymore.
How have you been? There’s so many things that I would like to say but yet, as I write this letter, I’ve suddenly lost all my words. I think the only thing I can come up with is… I’m sorry. You probably think that this apology came too late, but nevertheless, I want you to know that I truly feel sorry about how things turned out.
I know you probably want to know what happened between us so I will tell you everything since it’s my last chance now. I remember that everything started when I joined the cheerleading club. I found out something urgent and important about myself and I was forced to plan for the future then.
I thought about a lot of things. But mostly, it was about you. What were you going to do if I left this world? We only had each other. I knew exactly what would have happened to you if you knew I would be going. I know after I’m gone, you would close your heart to the world so that you can remember me. But no, that it not what I want. You cannot possibly be happy like that. So I came up with a scheme, to make you forget me. I distanced myself away from you. And soon, you realised that we needed to sort things out. I knew then that I had to deal a blow to you so you could give up on me and carry on.
I sorry I ever called you “Giant Girl”. It was never true. It was never how I felt. I am truly sorry for doing those terrible things to you. It didn’t feel any better watching your heart break from the corner of my eyes when I was flirting with the boys and chatting with the girls. All I wanted was you, but I knew I had to let you go. I’m sorry, Junko, for everything.
But I want you to remember the words I said the day I knew I got into the cheerleading club. Do you remember those words I said under the cherry blossom tree? I would never forget. I will never forget you and everything you have done for me.
Please don’t cry when you read this letter. It wasn’t meant to make you feel bad. I just wanted you to know that you’ve always had me for a friend and you will always have. I would never forget those walks home together. Just you, I, caramel candies and buttered toffees. Those were the best times of my life. But now, I have to say goodbye. My time is running short… I just wanted to let you know how much I love you.
Goodbye, Junko, be happy forever!
Your best friend,
Rinko
What a fool I had been to not realise that I wasn't the only one in pain. Now I only regret not realizing the fake smiles you've put up for me.
It was only later when I found out, Rinko had passed away because of brain cancer.
Everything you've done for me, I can never forget now. I know you can never forget me either. I'm glad I was born a giant, so I could meet you. I'm glad I scared those boys off so that we could become the bestest of friends, just like we still are now.
That is the reason why I can never forget my best friend, Rinko. I love you too.
Labels: short stories
Yours sincerely, MS. JINGS {♥}
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 ; 7:26 PM {♥}
Happy valentines, people(: Here's a v-day goodie from me. I love your presents!
sunlight of a sunset.
It was raining again. Raindrops pattered onto the window glass, trickling down and merging with others to form a small stream. Big, troubled purple globes stared intently at the small rivers on the window glass. Raven haired Wayne sat up abruptly as his heart missed a beat on hearing shattered glass. They were at it again.
“You’re not going to be home again?! You’re going to have dinner with that little vixen, aren’t you?”
“There you go again! Always on and on about some non-existent little vixen! I’m going for a company dinner! Is that so hard to understand?”
Wayne stared, anger burning dimly in his eyes. His parents were at it again and all he could do was to stare and stare and stare and stare… He crossed his fingers behind his back, praying so hard that his they would stop and actually notice his presence. That would make them stop. But they didn’t. Clenching his fists, Wayne turned back into his room. He was tired of them, tired of quarrels, tired of yelling, tired of everything! But if you had to describe this eighteen year old teen with one word, it’d be ‘afraid’. Afraid? Big boy Wayne couldn’t possibly be afraid! But so he was. And he was terrified. Why can’t he have a loving family like everyone? He’d curl into a small ball like a defensive kitten and hide under his blankets, listening and waiting, afraid to hear the word “divorce” come out of their mouths. He hates this… so much.
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“Wayne, could you give me the answer to this question?” Mrs. Prim screeched in a terribly sharp voice.
He smirked, opened one eyelid to glance at the question in chalk and closed them again. These questions were an easy feat. Full with confidence he slipped out of his seat, hands tucked safely in his pockets and strode over to the board. Scribbled down the answer and swanked back, not without throwing that annoying bat head an arrogant smirk of course.
“You are lucky today.” Mrs. Prim muttered, marking the question with a tick of pink chalk.
He had always been like this, cocky and arrogant, always acting like a bastard; giving everyone his famous smirk that bought quite a number of girls’ hearts. But this was never who he really is. Everyone took one look at him and thought that he was just another cool guy with his ass shoved up his face, another one of those fan girls’ targets. But was he really? Only she seemed to know… She was Elyssia, the new girl who just transferred from Australia. A pretty girl with big blue orbs and long orange hair, quite an eye catch, I must say…
“Hello everyone, I’m Elyssia and I just transferred over from Australia. Nice to meet you guys.”
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Yes, he saw her for the first time, at least that’s what he thought, and he found her familiar. He figured that she took an interest in him too because later, she slid into the empty seat beside him.
“Hello, the one from Mars.” She mouthed when he glanced at her.
The one from Mars? Why was she calling him that? And then it struck him, a memory of ten years ago… They were in Australia for a vacation. It was before the many wars started. He met her at the train station in a part of Albany. She was lost and was crying real hard, so hard that her face was all squeezed up and red. He reached out to her with concern.
“Hey, what’s the matter?”
“Who are you? Why should I tell you anything?”
“You can tell me alright. People from Mars are good to share secrets with.”
Ever since, they met up everyday. Playing and having fun. Innocent feeling sprouted until he suddenly left. Without a note, or an apology, he just disappeared into space and he never came back. So now she’s here, to find the one from Mars.
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That Australia vacation… He would never be able to have such a vacation ever again. His parents were ruining his life. She probably never had such problems, she was probably luckier. And he hated her for that. She looked so happy and her smile… so beautiful. He could feel his insides burning with an absurd fire and all he managed to do was try to ignore her, but she still managed to catch him…
“Wait up, Wayne!” She caught up with him at his lockers, “Do you… hate me? Why?”
Why? What a funny question! Isn’t it rather obvious? At least it was to him himself. He didn’t want to admit it but the jealousy growing within him is now undeniable.
“Because I hate how you can be so carefree and happy! How can you smile like you have no care in the world?! Heaven’s not fair!”
“Wayne… I know about your family… And you know what? I understand. I truly understa—“
“You understand? Don’t act like you know me so well! We’ve only met for a week and it was ten years ago! You will never understand!”
He stormed away, just like that and never answered her anymore although she continued to stay by his side, silently accompanying him. She decided that it was enough to just bathe in his presence. It could have been like that for along time… until that day. It was after school and he left without his bag that day because he flared up at her during the last lesson and just had to storm out suddenly. He strolled towards the class and he heard voices. He stopped at the door, concealing himself behind the pillar. He didn’t want to eavesdrop but their subject caught his attention.
“Elyssia, did you come here alone or with your family?” Alicia the nosey girl started prying into other people’s matters again.
“My family… I don’t think I have one; just a lousy dad with a messed up woman whom I’d rather not call mum.” She laughed it off casually. “I don’t need them. I really just want my real mum, staying by me. But my old man refused… So I came alone.”
He stood there, stunned by her words. This was what she meant by “I understand”. She was just like him: one with a broken family. He walked in briskly and sent the nosey girls an evil glare that made them excuse themselves hurriedly. They had to talk, he had to apologize. The class was now empty and she looked at him. For the first time, he truly saw what lay in the windows of her heart; sadness was buried in the deepest of her eyes.
“You should have told me, about that.”
“That? Oh, that. You stormed off before I had the chance to say.”
He clenched his fists; he knew that she was awfully right. He grabbed his bag and turned, beckoning her to follow with a wave. Outside, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom and pink snow fluttered all around.
“I’m sorry.”
She turned abruptly to look at him, the sudden softness in his eyes. Why the sudden apology? He was never so nice. But wait, what was she thinking? He is so nice and always was. It was just that he hid this fact. She knew from the memory of ten yeas ago.
“Hey, don’t worry about it! I’m really fine!”
He sent her a stare but she knew that he didn’t really mean it. She will never forget the softness of his eyes at that moment.
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Ever since, it got better. He was ever so nice to her, always waiting for her after classes, always having lunch together, always together. Everyone could see that he changed and it was for her. He could even give her an occasional smile, something he had never did for a long time. He used to only give that arrogant smirk, but he wasn’t like that anymore. And that was how he fell for her and her for him.
That day, it was under that cherry blossom and bathing under the sunset’s sunlight, they shared their first kiss.
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the end.
Like it? Have a happy v-day :D
June. Jingjie(:
Labels: short stories
Yours sincerely, MS. JINGS {♥}
