Saturday, March 07, 2009 ; 6:21 PM {♥}
Confidence: Belief in oneself and one's capabilities; self -reliance; assurance.
I am on a mission to retrieve it.
Jingjie, remember the old times? When I was just a year one, a newbie with nobody teaching me the ropes, how did I feel? In the past, I messed up, and messed up, and messed up... but I didn't give up. In the past, I was never recognized. Always the one sitting in that lonely corner, always the incompetent one, always the one who was outshone. At first, I felt depression. I was crying all the time. But when the tears are no longer able to wash away the pain, they dry up and lighted a fire within me. At that moment, I was thinking...
Do I really want to stay like this forever?
I wanted Mr. Ng to look at me. I wanted him to tell me I was good. I wanted him to smile at me with that pride written all over his face. I wanted him to accept me. I wanted others to accept me. I wanted them to look up to me and say
"Wow, that is Jingjie."
So I worked, and worked, and worked. I went for band everyday, smiling. This week I couldn't play this part, but the next week, I could. I climbed and climbed, even though I barely noticed, because I wasn't there yet. Then one day he was shocked by my improvement and he said: "Whoa, what did you eat?"
He was smiling at me. He was proud of me. He saw me for the first time in so long. I was there in front of him.
I was so happy.
If I could do it then... why did I give up now?
...I forgot this, but now I found it back, all of it.
Even though everybody says, you're not doing this for anyone but yourself, I want to do this for Mr. Ng. I want him to be even more proud of me. I don't want him to regret ever thinking that I was good. I want him to think that I'm even better.
I've been telling everybody that I play badly but I've never done anything about it. Why?
This is not the farthest I can go yet. I will continue paving ahead of me.
Labels: diary, sentimentals
Yours sincerely, MS. JINGS {♥}
Wednesday, March 04, 2009 ; 8:31 PM {♥}
I need to try harder :/
if I want to become a game designer for square enix/character desinger for studio ghibli and be in charge of the final fantasy projects/Hayao Miyazaki films.
Why is it so hard to become an anti-procastinator? Let's be more pro-active in work!
Today, I didn't go for full band. Sorry, I'll try to make it up :(
square enix. final fantasy. game designer. studio ghibli. character designer. computing. dreams & wishes unfufilled. How hard can I push myself to? Where will be the next stop?
Labels: diary, sentimentals
Yours sincerely, MS. JINGS {♥}
